Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Monday, May 19, 2003

Failure of the Day: Nutrition, Part 1

This week's adventure: Energy Bars! I am informed by Reliable Sources that if I should desire to build muscle, I must, in addition to shvitzing my ass off at the YMCA, consume more protein. To that end, I have decided that I will sample the variety of nutrition bars available to me, and report on their general levels of nastiness.

A couple of weeks ago, I had one from Chris's store, called Met-Rx Protein Complete High Energy Bar, Chocolate Peanut Roast. That's a pretty long name for something smaller than my hand, and yet even with all those descriptive words, they neglected to inform me about the paint thinner-flavored nougat it was filled with.

But still I persist. Today's experiment is called PowerBar Harvest Whole Grain Energy Bar, Double Chocolate. The wrapper also sports the word "dipped" randomly floating near the picture, apropos to nothing, apparently. Anyway, lets see what I must endure for my 7 grams of protein. The little fella smells nice enough, and during my first two bites, nothing seems overwhelmingly wrong with it. Fifth bite now, and I note that the flavor is still fine but I wonder if they haven't found a way to individually wrap black holes. It is very, very dense. My jaw is actually tired; a great deal of chewing is required. It must also be noted that it has very plainly not been dipped in anything.

Well, that wasn't so bad, actually. Tasted OK, and I suppose I can consider it a workout for my jaw as well as protein delivery mechanism. It had cute little choco-chips on top of it (FOUR of 'em!) that I appreciated, even though they all fell off upon removing the wrapper. I am not above digging chocolate out of the crease between my thigh and hip, especially here in private.

Rating: B.


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