Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Failure of the Day: Indecision

I've got a pretty sweet set-up here, work-wise. As has been made abundantly clear to just about everyone by now, except for when I go to the gym, all I wear, morning noon and night during the week is some form of pajamas. Chris doesn't even tease me about it anymore, it's so commonplace.

I like the work I do and I'm reasonably well-paid for it. But here's the thing: (Seriously, I should re-name this blog "but here's the thing") I'm perpetually anxious that the work is going to dry up and there won't be enough for me to do. And I get paid by the hour; I'm not on salary, so no work=no pay, and that freaks me out. Publishing is a hurry up and wait industry, I know, and the lulls we've had so far have not been that long and my company seems to be weathering the storm alright, but it's still nerve-wracking to have to send out emails every Friday scrounging for something to do during the next week.

So I'm applying for jobs. I thought I was pretty well situated (and I would be, in a different economy) with my level of skill and experience (not knowing QuarkXPress notwithstanding), but these days, every editing job posted on Craig gets something like 600 resumes, I hear.

I just really can't decide if I want to pursue freelancing for a while longer. Telecommuting really does rule, and I imagine I'd miss it ferociously once I start hauling ass downtown on the 8:02 1 California AX again. But maybe it'd be worth it for the steady work and lack of anxiety. Maybe I'm not the freelance type…I'm prone to panic even when everything is fine, after all.

But I have a full time telecommute job now, and so far, they haven't left me in the lurch. And maybe I should just leave well enough alone.

So you see my quandary. And it has nothing to do with employment; it's really just that I can see the pluses and minuses of everything and can decide nothing.


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