Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Failure of the Day: TV Vortex, as promised (threatened, really)

So after a particularly satisfying Mr. Personality (I don't trust that Mr. Green one bit!), I toddled off to read in bed while Chris puttered a bit in the kitchen. After a minute, he usually comes into the bedroom to blow up the Bad Men in his computer. Lately, it's been homicidal mimes, for reasons about which I'm still not entirely clear.

Anyway, several minutes pass and I am engrossed in the much-needed "Plotting" chapter of The Art of Fiction when from the living room, Chris calls "Pooh!" (Yes. We call each other "Pooh." Shut up.) He calls, "Pooh! Can't…stop…watching…Three's Company…movie!" And it's true; he's been sucked in to the TV vortex. And every few minutes after that, he calls out what passes for plot points: "Oh, it's the one when there's a terrible misunderstanding!" "Oh, Suzanne Sommers is really screwing over Joyce DeWitt!"

I shout words of support back to him: "Resist!" I shout. "You must fight the TV Vortex!" I try to lure him from the TV: "Don't you want to blow up the bad men?" I tell him that the mimes on his computer are talking smack about him. "They're calling you a pussy! Are you gonna stand for that? From a mime?!"

It's no use. The dramatized Three's Company behind-the-scenes movie is too strong. It's straight out of Max Headroom; it's a blipvert. He's powerless to resist.

Finally, I get out of bed and go to the living room where Chris stands in front of the couch watching TV. (Such is the gravity of the movie: he was unable even to bend his knees to sit on the couch while watching. (Seriously. 100% true.)) I have no choice but to pull out my Ace. "This is a highly blogworthy event, you know." I tell him. "You wouldn't want everyone to know that you got sucked into the Three's Company made for TV movie, would you?" He's riveted, though. He can't respond. Finally, there's a commercial, and I take his hand and pull him into the bedroom. Whew. That was a close one!


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