Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Failure of the Day: TEE vee

Did I mention that I’m reading the new Philip Roth book, which is super creepy and super self indulgent BOTH? Well, I am. And after that I’m gonna read The Normals by David Gilbert, which I’m going to be surprised to get from Chris for my birthday. In case you were worried that I’m losing that endearing “pretentious pain in the ass” quality I have. Because what I really want to talk about is invisible dinosaurs.

Wednesday is Good Tv night. Chris is helpless against the shiny pure sugar goo of Smallville. He literally has no defenses; he is all exposed soft underbelly. But while we are watching Clark Kent look really really hard at stuff until it explodes, we are taping the real story of the night, Lost. Which is also a silly show, but it’s silly in just the right way.

Plane crash, desert island, unseen monster in the jungle eats the people one by one, OK? The first time we watched it, I turned to Chris and said, “Well, that was pretty good, dontcha think? And I read a thing where they promised it isn’t a dinosaur.” And he said, “LOVE that show!” And I said (because this is my favorite joke) “Too bad we can’t watch it anymore.” And Chris said, “That’s OK…we can watch any show with an invisible dinosaur you want.”

The thing is, I can’t think of a single show that wouldn’t be much improved by the addition of an invisible dinosaur. Survivor is already basically the same show as Lost—unreasonably bitchy and thin people disappearing one at a time amidst lots of shaking palm trees. It may well already have an invisible dinosaur, too; invisible dinosaurs are wily. And would anyone put it past Mark Burnett?

An invisible dinosaur killing people would also give CSI a real shot in the arm. Solve that, Grissom! They’ve already got an Anything Goes/ God Wears Corduroy universe on Joan of Arcadia; an invisible dinosaur would be just a drop in the bucket there. Ditto Smallville. And …oh my god…The OC…Seth Cohen proves his manhood and wins back Summer’s heart by climbing the invisible dinosaur and riding it through the sand to the strains of Toto. The Sleeper has awakened!*

*don't worry. no one gets it but Chris.


Post a Comment

<< Home