Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Monday, October 25, 2004

Failure of the Day: Who?

I might as well have straight hair. Seriously, for all the hallmarks of what I know as Me-ness that have been obliterated in the last year or so, I might as well get rid of the last vestige.

I started drinking coffee. Just on a whim this weekend. Chris and I were driving around North Beach, having our little adventures as we like to do on weekends, and for some reason it popped into my head that I could have a decaf nonfat latte with a thingie of Equal and it would be perfectly legal in my no-carb world.

I’ve drunk coffee before; in the early 90s, the Blue Danube café made a latte that, when I poured 12 ounces of sugar in was rendered palatable to me, but all other attempts have been abject miseries. And yet, the latte I had in North Beach on Saturday and the one I had in my neighborhood yesterday were delicious, even without sugar or milkfat. I tell you, it’s a world gone mad.

I know I crossed a serious relativity line when I made the switch to diet soda, but who could have foreseen such far-reaching consequences? Here I am: alcohol: yes, coffee: yes, cigarettes no. I shudder to think what could be next for me. Jelly? Vegetables? MUSTARD??? My god, where will it end?


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