Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Failure of the Day: The Various Air

Things about San Jose so far:

  • Sleeping with the window open. I don’t think anyplace I lived in SF had screens on the windows, and I’m seriously insect phobic, so even on the one or two nights a year when it was warm enough to sleep with a window open, the bugs made it out of the question. The evenings here are cool and splendid, and the breeze makes the bed feel comfortable and luxurious.

  • Ceilings. Have I mentioned that our apartment has 9-foot ceilings on both floors? It’s hard to explain it in a way that will make sense to you the way it feels to me, but it’s a bit like being at the bottom of a well. I know to most people, that is not only the last thing it actually feels like, but also the last thing they would want it to feel like, but to me, it’s the coziest feeling in the world.

  • The view from both the window in my office (on the 3rd floor of the apartment complex) and the window in the living room (directly above my office, on the 4th floor) looks out into the sky above the buildings across the street. Lights zoom horizontally from left to right across the space, and my eye absent mindedly reads them as cars on a freeway overpass in the distance. They’re not; they are planes—low enough to see their company logos—coming in for a landing. It’s a startling realization every time, and it feels strangely reassuring and modern.

  • Dusk. We have a big papasan chair on the patio, and I am getting into the habit of curling up in it with a book when it’s still light out but it’s late enough that there’s no direct sunshine. The heat during the day still feels a bit hostile toward me sometimes but I swear, the dusk makes it all worthwhile. And summer is my least favorite season—I can hardly wait for autumn.

  • Despite all of this, I remain an blithering, neurotic pain in the ass as I continue to adapt poorly to even the most positive of changes. I'm working on it.


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