Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Failure of the Day: Nutrition, Part 2

Today's candidate: High Protein Balance Complete Nutrition Energy Bar, Chocolate. They all seem to have ridiculously long names. I don't think that's a good marketing strategy, frankly. My favorite candy bar is Snickers, which are great, and they don't have to call them Chocolate Gives You A Sugar Rush And Peanuts Have A Lot Of Fat But That Gives You Energy Snickers Bar, now do they? And do you know why? Because they taste good. That's why.

Anyway, this one is a little smaller than yesterday's, and it has clearly been dipped in chocolate although it doesn't say so. It smells kind of like one of those Slim Fast bars I used to eat all the time. Second bite now and although I was initially pleased with the fact that there aren't any lumps of stuff in it, there is a distinct chemical after taste. Which is getting stronger now, and even less pleasant.

Well. This one is, in fact, horrible. Not as bad as the Met Rx but in the same vein. I made it through three bites but now I'm throwing it away. And now I'm going to the kitchen to get a banana because A) I'm starving and B) I would really like to have this taste out of my mouth now.

Yes. That's better. One really has to wonder how products like the High Protein Balance Complete Nutrition Energy Bar, Chocolate make it to the market. I assume they did all manner of focus groups and the like. I imagine they went something like this:

Focus group participant: "This tastes like ASS!"
Marketing Director: "Uh-oh."
Vice President of Small, Bad-Tasting Things: "Maybe it's OKā€¦people don't want health food to be too deliciousā€¦"
Focus group participant: "Yeah, but this tastes like ASS!"
Marketing Director: "That's true, health food nuts are Calvinists at heart.
Vice President of Small, Bad-Tasting Things: "All the studies say so."
Marketing Director: "Maybe we'll just add a couple of words to the name!"
Focus group participant: "One of the words should be ASS!"
Vice President of Small, Bad-Tasting Things: "A long name? My God, that's genius! You just earned your bonus, son!"

Rating :D-

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