Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Failure of the Day: My Nerves

I am, unsurprisingly, going to spend the entire day on just this side of throwing up from sheer nervousness. Here’s how freaked out I am about the election: The appointment I had to make with an infectious disease specialist for this afternoon is the calming influence on my day. Yeah; you wish I were kidding.

It’s funny because one of my favorite jokes is that whenever I have an itch or I sneeze, I usually turn to Chris and say, “Don’t worry, it’s just my ebola acting up.” I say, “Dang this flesh-eating bacteria anyways!” Get it? See, it’s funny because now I have to see a doctor who actually does deal with ebola. Pretty funny, huh? (For all you literalists out there; fear not; it’s just folliculitis. Recurred for the fourth time this weekend and I think my doc wants me to see the ebola guy for industrial-strength antibiotics.)

It’s cool though, because I think I am working my way through all the different kinds of medical specialists. I’ve already had an internist, neurologist, gynecologist, dermatologist, surgeon, plastic surgeon, anesthesiologist, neurosurgeon, occupational medicine specialist, oral surgeon, ophthalmologist, psychiatrist, endocrinologist, and emergency medicine specialist. I think I will try an otolaryngologist next. I don’t know what they do or how to pronounce that, but it’s a pretty cool looking word, don’t you think? I don’t have many specialists left to go…no oncologists yet knock wood and I’m not sure about gastroenterologists…it seems like I must have had one when I had my gall bladder removed but I don’t really remember. I’ve never had a nephrologist or a hematologist or a cardiac electrophysiologist, but I’m young yet, I figure. Plenty of time.

In case you were wondering, this is my happy place. Talking about doctors and future diseases makes me feel safe. This is me being cheerful. But four more years of the smirking chimp? That I can’t handle. Now: you want to see me weave the two topics of this post together in three little words? Yes On 71.


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