Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Monday, March 31, 2003

Failure of the Day: Brain and Brain, what is Brain?

I am accustomed to (if not quite comfortable with) my brain's particular brand of failure... I spent about 3 minutes last night unable to understand language. Chris said a sentence to me and I had no idea what the sounds meant, so I repeated it back to him phonetically (it was "I did battle with a bug" I think) but I had no idea what he was saying. I was concentrating really hard but it seemed like there was some fundemental disconnect going on and I couldn't re-route. It was odd. After a couple more seconds I could understand words again but it left me in a very weird mood...I built a little fort in my room and sat in it reading by flashlight for about an hour, craving orange jelly beans.

For some reason, none of this really worries me. I don't actually think this is the next phase of my MS or anything, mostly, I think because it's really just unimaginable and also, MS doesn't really focus on just the cognitive like that. People have trouble with memory but according to the literature and stuff, it's not usually serious. Granted, the course that my version of MS has taken is so rare as to be almost entirely outside disease literature anyway, but still, it just doesn't seem MS-y to me. It actually felt like how I imagine it is to be autistic: total sensory overload. I had been flipping between a terrible movie and Inside the Actor's Studio, kinda surfing the Net, and doing the Sunday crossword puzzle while Chris was running around with the feather duster and listening to a movie VERY LOUD. I was thinking about 800,000 things and I think I just overwhelmed my circuits. After an hour in my fort in the dark, I felt great. I wonder if I shouldn't always keep a nice cardboard box in my closet for just such occasions...I just love being in those itty bitty spaces.

Anyway, I've got to spruce up ch 6 of PowerPoint and re-read the section of my novel I'm reading tomorrow night. It seemed like it would be just right when I first picked it but I haven't looked at it since, so there's always the chance that today, it's true sucky nature will be revealed to me.


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