Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Thursday, April 10, 2003

Failure of the Day: Numbers

Oh, my god, I hate my accountant. And the calendar. And the federal government and the IRS and my employer. This is absurdy complicated. I've been doing math for a goddamn hour, trying to figure out what amount I need to set aside from each paycheck so that I can have enough to pay A) the minimum quarterly estimated federal taxes, B) the remainder of my federal tax burden that I will owe next April 15th after having paid the quarterlies, and C) my state taxes. This should be easy: A+ B + C, divided by....and that's where I'm fucked. Or I was until a minute ago when I finally had an epiphany that I should divide by 24, the number of pay periods in a year. I tried dividing by 26 because it's really fucking hard to remember that being paid twice a month is not the same as being paid every two weeks. Seriously, I almost started to cry, I was so frustrated, and that was in addition to almost starting to cry when I got off the phone with Mr. Silverman when he told me that not only were my quarteries higher than he told me they would be day before yesterday, but even after paying the quarterlies that I would still owe $5610 federal and $1100 state come next April 15. But I talked myself down when I figured out how much of each paycheck would have to be put away now so as to easily pay that next year. And then I had to do more math to figure out how much of each check I have to sock away for my quarterly payments. And how many pay periods in a quarter? It took me 10 minutes to remember that a quarter is 3 months and not 4. And then I need to total those amounts to know how much I need to put aside from each paycheck to know I'm covered for everything.

But in truth the smart thing to do is to take the money I''m socking away for just the Federal and State taxes and put it in a higher interest account since I won't need to touch it for a year. The money I'm socking away for the quarterlies can just go in a regular savings account right? because I need to fuck it all off to the IRS every 3 months.

Seriously, at this point, I'm exhausted. I'm going to wash my hair and entertain myself with the cruelest and poorest taste image imaginable. I thought of it last night: a Klingon with Down's Syndrome.


Post a Comment

<< Home