Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Failure of the Day: Football

Introducing YOUR 2003 San Francisco Cervix!

My fantasy football team had its draft picks on Sunday and I think I did OK. I got a super good quarterback and defensive lineup, and a pretty good running back. Everybody else, though, is crippled. Literally. My kicker has a broken foot and is out for at least half the season. That’s what I get for not checking the injured list before finalizing my picks. I traded him reluctantly for a free agent, although I feel like a traitor for not having faith in the kid with the bum leg.

I guess football players are fragile as origami cranes too, because the injured list is huge. Don’t even get me started on Michael Vick. (Is it weird that I know this stuff now? Yes. Yes it is.) Last season, Chris had a super good starting player who, the day before the first day of the season, somehow rammed his head into a bench, concussed himself, and had to sit out of the first several games. I think it was that very story that convinced me to try the fantasy league this year—all of a sudden, I could relate. Because doesn’t that sound exactly like something I would do?

But with the exception of Emmitt Smith, who seems really nice in his 1-800-COLLECT commercials, I haven’t heard of any of the other guys on my team. I had to draft Emmitt from the list of free agents because my original back-up running back got impaled on a fire hose or something.

The first regular season game is tomorrow; we’ll see how I do.


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