Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Failure of the Day: My Hair, My Ass, My Endocrine System

All of which are fucked.

Is it my imagination or is it more of a hassle to do the hair modeling thing at high-end salons these days? It used to be that all you had to do was call and set up an appointment, and a couple of days later, some proto-hairdresser would do crap to your hair for cheap. This is helpful because the crap I like to have done my hair costs like 200 bucks and the proto-hairdressers do it for $30. They still will, but now you have to haul ass down to the salon for some stupid pre-appointment so you can be evaluated, and then they can't fit you in for 3 months. And meanwhile, my hair is just fucking brown. Brown!

My ass? Huge. Just huge. Goddamn Fritos.

My endocrine system is actually pumping along thanks to the thyroid supplements I take, and for some reason I am currently producing tons, just tons of progesterone, after 30 years of having, like, none. The result is that I menstruate now. Wooo hooo. I have joined the ranks of the hormone robots, which is to say, humanity. In a very small number of days, Chris will very likely have to play his part in our monthly play:

Nancy: Ow.
Chris: Poor Pooh!
N: Shut up!
C: I love you!
N: Fuck off.
C: Is there anything I can get you?
N: Fritos!
C: But you made me promise to not get you any more Fritos…
N: Are you saying I'm fat?

I apologize in advance for everything.


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