Failure of the Day: My Soul

I don't want to sell my soul outright, but I would be open to discussing a timeshare. Because there's fame and fortune and all that, but what I really want is some seriously kick ass Stratego skills.

We recently bought a Star Wars Stratego game. I'd never played before, but Chris spent decades utterly demolishing his sister's meager Stratego defenses. So it's kind of No Fair to begin with. To make matters worse, he is not even the teensiest bit competitive, whereas I would cheerfully eviscerate a puppy if it made my chances of winning at something one percent better. (Are you getting the feeling that I am maybe not a nice person? I am getting that feeling.)

But it's a cool game and I am getting the hang of it. I even won the first time we played, although that might have been some precise combination of beginners luck and husbandly compassion. But I haven't won a single time since then, and goddamnit, it's pissing me off.

So Satan, if you're out there—and by there I mean the Internet, so I think you are—I have a deal for you. You can have my soul every other weekend during the summers if I can stop looking at Stratego strategy web sites and just win some damn games. OK?