Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Failure of the Day: Girlie Luck

Usually, I'm really good at things I know nothing about. For example, I RULE at horse racing. I pick the horses I bet on strictly by the colors the jockey is wearing, unless the horse is gray, and then I always bet on the gray horse. I win like 70% of the time. So when I decided to do fantasy football, both Chris and Joe figured it was a foregone conclusion that I would totally dominate The League of Extraordinary Punishment. When I got both Rich Gannon (last year's MVP) and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers defense (the Super Bowl winners) totally by chance in the draft, Chris, at least, thought it was a done deal.

Tampa Bay, I should point out, continues to rule. They're doing great. Mr. Gannon, on the other hand, sucks ass so far this year. He's awful—none of his passes go anywhere, he gets sacked all the time, and sometimes he just falls down for no reason. Seriously, he looks like me out there on the field. And it doesn't help that you can totally tell that the guy is a complete dick. I barely have it in me to root for him.

I won my first match-up of the season but I lost the second and third week so far, and it is inarguably 100% Gannon's fault. But I kept him active on account of he's supposedly all studly and junk. Now, I'm not gonna dump him or anything just yet, but I have certain tried-and-true sports strategies that I eschewed when I took Gannon, and this little foray into football might just be an object lesson for me that when you're dealing with 400 pound guys that bash the crap out of each other, maybe the one with the nicer haircut or cuter uniform is the way to go.


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