Hello, Failure

Of all the enemies of literature, success is the most insidious

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Failure of the Day: How Hard is it to Dump Your Writing Group?

It turns out that it's really, really hard. And yes, Ok, I'm a big flake for joining and quitting two different writers groups over the last two months but one of them was so horrible I almost killed myself just so I wouldn't have to read any more of their unbelievable crap, and the other one just sort of served its purpose quicker than I though it would.

But now both groups keep calling and emailing me trying to get me to come back. And I suppose that is all very flattering and everything and aren't I just the most charming literary companion, but I don't get it. The social contract, as I understand it, is that as soon as one party so much as smells like they don't want to hang out with you anymore, that's it, it's over. What's with the "No, no but we want you to come back!" business? That's never happened to me in my life! And now twice in one week! What kind of crazy bizarro world is this?

I tell you what, after getting three jobs in a row a couple of weeks ago, I can only assume that my entire body chemistry has changed in some dramatic fashion. I have like the most incredibly delicious pheromones ever now or something. Or maybe I am turning into Jeff, who will be embarrassed to read that he is the most wildly popular and beloved-by-everyone-who-knows-him person I've ever met. Every time I mention him to someone else who knows him, they always say the same thing: "I wish I could hang out with him more." And I always go, "Me, too!" because he actually is that cool to hang out with.

This must be what it's like to be Jeff. It all makes sense now…but if I've got his level of social desirability…oh, god help him if he's got mine.


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