Failure of the Day: Gaping Wounds

So, um, when did Siegfried & Roy become newsworthy? Did I miss a memo? Because the last I heard, we had all collectively agreed that they only existed as a shorthand punch line in homophobic jokes.

But OK, I grant you that the only way this story could possibly have been more MSNBC-ready was if some yahoo had filmed the whole thing and made a fortune selling the footage. And sure, there are people who really want to know about tigers mauling heavily coiffed fops, and cable news needs to keep them satisfied. I understand that. But what's with the candlelight vigils and weeping Las Vegas stagehands putting on the brave face for Wolf Blitzer? And for three goddamn days already?

Honestly, I can muster up some sympathy for almost anybody who is at this moment still being digested by an endangered tiger. But c'mon…is anybody surprised? It's like when those circus elephants occasionally are overcome by the need to rub some bystander jelly between their toes. Who doesn't root for elephant (other than the bystanders)? But no, we have to spend days and days being surprised that a damn tiger went and attacked something. Jeez, you'd think it were a predator or something.